A Different Kind of Motivation

I used to cry myself to sleep every Sunday night. 

I was terrified that another week would go by where I wouldn’t make any progress or, even worse, where I’d take a few steps backward. 

I’d even wake up in the middle of the night having panic attacks because I hated how I felt in my body. 

The time I’m talking about here was when I started on my weight loss journey.

It was about 10 years ago. But before we get to that…let me set the stage a bit…

I had always been the “skinny girl” growing up. 

I remember this one picture of me from after a softball game. I must have been 10 or 11 years old. It was after the final game of the season and we were signing the backs of each other’s shirts to commemorate the season (I’m pretty sure we finally won a game that year! 🤣). 

I remember looking at the picture many years later and wondering what I was holding in my hand. It looked weird. 

It was this pale, almost white, long stick. I remember wondering what I was using to sign the back of a friend’s shirt because it didn’t look like the Sharpie I remember using.

Then I realized, it was my arm. 😳

That skinny, pencil-thin thing was my arm. Woah.

That shook me to my core. Why did I look like that? What was going on? How did it not snap in half?

This photo is engraved in my mind so deeply because it was the first time I realized I was different than everyone else. I was the skinny girl. The one who was so skinny, others probably thought something was wrong with me. 

I was horrified when I first saw that picture. (And no, nothing was wrong with me. It was just a really weird angle of the camera. Sure, I was still the skinny girl, but not the sickly skinny girl. Whew…) 

Fast forward about 20 years…

There I was, looking at another picture of myself, feeling disgusted.

Only this time, I wasn’t the “skinny girl”. Where did all this weight come from? I thought I ate healthy and exercised enough (even though I actually wasn’t exercising at all…).

That’s when it began, or rather continued. The body image issues. I started crying myself to sleep almost every night because I felt so terrible about my body. 

I had went from the skinny girl to someone who was wearing pants that barley buttoned. I hadn’t realized that all my shirts were a size bigger than they used to be. I just told myself that “baggy” was the new style. 

Nope. I had just gained weight.

I’m sharing these stories with you today for a few reasons.

First, I want to normalize weight changes. The picture of my ridiculously skinny arm and the one of me in my way too-tight jeans are reminders of times when I was unhappy with my body, for very different reasons. 

But there are other pictures that I often pull up from my mind’s photo album.

They are pictures from high school. I was captain of the varsity volleyball team and also played club ball where we had just won the silver medal at the Junior Olympics. 

To play both club and school volleyball meant I was playing year-round. I was in the gym 6-7 days a week with only 2 weeks off each year. I lifted weights with the varsity football coach. I had two-a-day practices. I could literally eat anything I wanted and burn it off just by breathing.

I was in the best shape of my life. 

I was also in high school, training at peak performance for my age. Being 17 is very different than being 39. Damn, some days I wish I could go back to having that body.

But then I remember, that was my high school body. And you couldn’t pay me enough money to relive high school! 🤣

My point…yearning for a body you used to have just doesn’t make any sense, does it? Personally, I’m glad I’m not 17 years old again. I can relive those “glory days” through pictures, and I’ve made peace with that.

So I’ll gladly take the body of an almost 40-year-old woman who’s been through hell and back. 

Whether you’ve had babies, went through surgery, or life just gave you some bumps and bruises, your body, every curve and every muscle, is part of your story. No need to be ashamed of it. Those imperfections are what make you beautiful.

Your body will change. That’s ok. In fact, in all honesty, I’d be concerned if it didn’t.

Second, I want you to know there’s no shame in wanting to “look good”. It doesn’t make you self-centered, selfish, or conceded. It doesn’t make you a bad person. And it certainly doesn’t justify feeling guilty. Guilt is a fairly useless emotion that rarely ever leads to anything positive.

We’ve gone a little overboard with shaming people who exercise or eat healthy because they want to look good or have a certain physique. I’ve heard criticisms of women who want to fit into their wedding dresses. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just what motivates some people. 

That doesn’t just apply to bodybuilders or professional athletes or those who make their career about looking a certain way. It applies to you and me, too. I talk to way too many women during consultations who feel bad when they admit that they would love to look in the mirror and not feel ashamed.

So if you want to look hot in a little black dress on date night, I’m all for it.

If you want to be healthy so you feel hot in a little black dress, I’m all for that, too.

And if you want to wear one of those teeny, tiny bikinis that go halfway up your ass, I’m for that too. (I will be starring, however, because women that can rock those, damn, I don’t care what they look like, that’s confidence I’ll never have!) 

Honestly, I’m all in for whatever you want whether it’s about your health or your appearance. As your coach, it’s my job to coach you, guide you, and be a cheerleader, even on your roughest days. Not judge you.

I’ve been made fun of for being skinny and I’ve been made fun of for being overweight. Neither is fun. But wherever you fall, I feel your pain. And I want you to know, there is a way to feel better. Let’s just promise to be real about our motivations, shall we? It will help release that guilt and open up some mental space to let in new, fresh experiences.

Whatever motivates you is okay. Not that you need permission to feel the way you do, but I’ll offer you this as your permission slip if it’s helpful. 

The way we see ourselves impacts so many areas of our lives. We say it doesn’t, but for so many people, myself included, that’s just not true. 

That doesn’t make us selfish or self-centered. Sure, it can, but for most of the women (and men) I meet, it’s just another form of motivation. 

When you feel comfortable in your own skin, you show up differently to the world. And I’m not talking about being “skinny”. I’m talking about whatever your version of “comfort” looks like. For me, I want to look like I lift weights. For you, it might be something different. 

Maybe you ask for the promotion you’ve been avoiding.

Maybe you stand up to a family member who’s been taking advantage of your good nature.

Maybe you start volunteering your time to help those struggling in your community.

How do you want to show up in the world? It is possible. I’m living proof. It won’t happen overnight, but with every small victory, you’ll build momentum. And soon, you won’t recognize the person you were a year ago.

Where do you want to be in 3 months? A year? 2 years? It all starts with one step. I would love to help turn that daydream into your reality. 

I’d love to save you a seat for my upcoming FREE training, 3 Secrets to Silence Your Sweet Tooth. I’ll walk you through the exact process I use with my coaching clients to help them lose weight, resolve embarrassing and painful digestive issues, and balance their hormones. You’ll walk away with the exact steps for how you can do that, too. Click the button below to get started.