How to Form Connections—and Why It’s Important
One of my earliest memories was of my preschool crew. We ruled the basement of that church. We built tunnels out of big padded blocks. We dug in the sand. And we ate glue.
At the time, I had no idea that offering the weird kid sitting next to me a hit from my glue bottle would turn into a friendship, let alone my first kiss a few years later.
As adults, it’s too bad that making friends isn’t as easy as, “Hey, want some glue?”
Or maybe it is.
Maybe I just have the wrong friends…
Humans are and have always been social creatures – connections are essential for both mental and physical health and our overall well-being.
Being social decreases feelings of anxiety and depression and gives one a sense of belonging. It significantly improves self-esteem, emotional intelligence, and stress levels. People who have social connections learn how to regulate their emotions, are more cooperative, and trust others more easily.
Human connection has such a powerful impact on stress levels that it reduces the risk of many chronic, stress-related ailments. It improves blood pressure, lowers cortisol levels (our stress hormone), and even strengthens the immune system. Overall, people who report having good social connections live longer and healthier lives.
One benefit of connecting with others that is often overlooked has to do with your gut bugs.
Every living thing either has its own microbiome or is part of one. You have your own. Bacteria living inside of you are part of your microbiome. We share our gut bugs with those around us.
The people, and animals, you live with have very similar gut bugs to you. This discovery has advanced the field of fecal transplants (yep, you read that correctly, poop transplants – it’s exactly what it sounds like.) for some medical conditions where the gut microbiome was severely damaged or compromised.
The discovery of the importance of connection is also one of the ways we know genetics plays less of a role in our health than our lifestyle. People who live together often have very similar habits and therefore, very similar gut microbiomes, so it makes sense that they often have similar health conditions, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and gingivitis, even if they share no genes.
When you touch something that’s living, whether you brush up against a tree’s leaves while walking or kiss another human, you share your bugs.
Kinda gives new meaning to, “For better or worse,” doesn’t it?
It also illustrates the age-old saying, “You are a product of your environment,” because you literally are a product of your environment.
So, if eating glue isn’t your thing, how can you make new friends and how do you keep your connections, well, connected?
Let’s talk about it!
(By the way, I don’t recommend eating glue. I can’t imagine it’s good for your gut bugs!)
Quality over quantity
You don't need to expand your social circle and have tons of friends to establish a better connection with others. Quality connections are much more important than quantity. It's all about feeling close to those you have around you, whether that's one person or many.
It's never too late to strengthen relationships. Check up on your friends and family and see how they're doing. Reach out to them and let them know how you're feeling.
If you're feeling stuck on forming connections because you don't have too many close people in your life, don't let this get you down. There are so many ways you can make meaningful connections with people.
What are some of your hobbies? Finding new friends through similar interests is one of the easiest ways to start a connection. Join a team, a class, or even volunteer somewhere in your community. Volunteering and generally helping others is a great way to feel connected to your community and provides a sense of belonging, self-esteem, and purpose.
Get techy
Make technology your friend. There's nothing quite like spending quality time with your loved ones, but that’s not always possible. Luckily, our phones and laptops allow us to communicate like never before.
Have a video call date with some friends or distant family. You can catch up, eat dinner together, or even make an event out of it.
There are tons of virtual events that you can attend from the comfort of your home. Many companies have created a safe space online for you to form connections while doing what you love, whether a cooking class or yoga. Take advantage of the available resources and put yourself out there!
Call in the four-legged friends
Consider getting a pet. While human interaction is still essential, pets are wonderful companions and give you a sense of purpose and responsibility, which is great for self-esteem.
If you're up for the commitment, caring for an animal can be a great way to feel connected. Even more 'hands-off' pets such as fish and reptiles are shown to decrease stress and anxiety. However, pets such as dogs and cats also allow you to feel connected through physical touch.
Pets that go outside are also great for your gut health because they expose themselves to new bugs which then jump to you when you pet them. This is really helpful for kiddos because of their developing immune systems. Kids that play outdoors or have pets tend to be sick less often and have fewer chronic diseases when they grow up.
Making friends as an adult might seem like the last thing you want to do. It’s so much easier to stay in the comfort of your own home! But, your mental health and your gut bugs will thank you when you get out there and meet some people!
If you don’t know where to start, use the ideas from this article to get the wheels turning. There’s no wrong way to do it! Well, except maybe asking strangers if they want some glue. That might get you sent to jail nowadays…