I hate myself
I hate myself
You may have some version of this….
I hate myself for being unable to do this myself.
I hate myself for being unable to control my cravings and just eat healthy.
I hate myself for being unable to get up earlier to go exercise.
I hate that this is easier for everyone else.
I hate that I’m right back to where I started X years ago.
Or something similar.
I’ve been hearing versions of this statement a lot lately. I thought this would be a great opportunity to talk about this topic because, let’s face it, we’ve likely all had these thoughts at some point in our lives. Especially when making health changes.
Making any type of change is hard. It’s probably going to take you a few tries before you start to make substantial progress.
Let me be clear, it’s NOT easier for some people. It just may look easier from the outside. You never know what struggles are going on inside someone else. You don’t know the battles or the demons they face every day. Even when they’re smiling on the outside.
You just don’t know.
So stop comparing yourself to other people.
Ok, back to the idea of hating yourself….
“Hate” is a very strong word. If you have kids, I bet you correct them when they say they “hate” something or at least explain what that word really means.
You’re probably pretty careful about using the word “hate” in your everyday conversations.
When you use the word “hate”, it’s probably to add emphasis to something. You probably don’t actually hate the thing.
And even if you do hate the thing, there are probably very few things you feel that strongly about.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that hate is a very strong word and is usually reserved for very strong feelings and certain circumstances.
Yet, we allow ourselves to freely use that word in the inner dialogue we have. We allow our brains to speak to ourselves in a way that we would find unacceptable in the world.
You may be allowing your brain to speak to you in a way that you would never allow your kiddos to speak to you.
This is the harsh reality of our inner thoughts. They suck. They’re negative. And they are usually very good at preventing us from doing the things we would love to do.
The human brain goes negative really quickly. Nothing has gone wrong, it’s just trying to keep you safe. Why are we our own worst critics? Because we’re getting out in front of it. Our brains think that if they point out and show you evidence of why you’re going to fail, point out the reasons why you suck at life or put you down, there’s a good chance you won’t try to change.
Your brain HATES change.
It’s uncomfortable and there’s the potential for you to get hurt - both physically and mentally. That is what your brain is trying to protect you from.
Recently, while I was speaking with a client about her progress in my coaching program, she said, “I hate myself a lot less than I did before.”
Maybe you can relate.
This wasn’t the first time I’ve heard it, and it won’t be the last.
The words we say to ourselves matter. Your brain and body do not recognize sarcasm and they don’t know when you’re using words, such as hate, as motivation or deflection.
If you’re having these thoughts, it’s not as simple as just saying, “I’m going to think more positively.” This is where the whole #selflove thing came from. That seems great in theory, but in practice, it’s much more difficult than that.
The first step is to recognize these thoughts. So many of the clients I coach do not listen to their inner dialogue. Many, myself included, didn’t even know we had an inner dialogue! It has been conditioned out of us.
This inner dialogue is similar to your intuition, but, in my opinion, it’s much more powerful because this dialogue is going on constantly. You just are probably not recognizing it.
After you learn to recognize that inner dialogue, then you can start working on changing it. That’s where the mindset work that I teach my clients comes in. We work on identifying negative or limiting thoughts and then dig deep to see where those thoughts are coming from.
If you don’t know the root cause, chances are, you won’t be successful in making changes.
As soon as you begin working on cleaning up your thoughts, you gain this amazing confidence and self-worth because you learn to be in charge!
Will you never have a negative thought again? Of course not! You’re still human!
But the real gold is that when these negative thoughts pop in, you will recognize them and be able to either just roll with it, understanding that’s just what your brain does, or you will have the tools to work on flipping them to something more useful.
When I made this leap, it was like an entirely new world opened up to me. It felt like I was meeting myself for the first time. It was almost an out-of-body experience like I was watching my mind work from across the room. It was powerful!
You can learn this skill, too! It’s possible!
If you can relate and have had the, “I hate myself,” thoughts, it’s time to clean that up! The world is negative enough! Your thoughts should not be contributing to that as well.