Your goal is like a knife…use it wisely.
My conversation with my coach went like this…
Coach: “So it looks like you’re crushing each month’s goals! Awesome! I think it might be time to set a weight goal or a strength goal. What are your thoughts?”
Me: “Ummmmmm…….”
6 excruciating hours later…
Me: “Ummm……I’m not good at setting goals.”
What happened during those 6 hours? A full-blown major brain temper tantrum. Luckily, it was contained inside my head. But if it had not been contained, it would have included lots of kicking and screaming, some tears, select 4-letter words, and probably some shoes would be thrown at the wall. But in my brain, it looked like this:
Ruminating.
Self-doubt.
More ruminating.
More self-doubt.
Judgment of how I could possibly set a ridiculous goal like that.
Judgment of how “stupid” my goal sounded and how I couldn’t believe that I was actually considering saying that to another human.
More ruminating.
More judgment.
Then a little bit of laughter when I realized the irony of this entire situation.
The truth is, I am great at setting goals. I probably set too many goals, if that is a thing. What was really going on was that I was embarrassed to tell another human my goal.
This poor guy is trying to help me. He’s trying to do the EXACT same thing I do with my coaching clients. He’s trying to help me help myself!! Yet, I was paralyzed with ALL THE THOUGHTS.
This was like an out-of-body experience. I was watching this happen in slow motion. I could not believe the thoughts going through my head!
Ok, then around hour number 6 of this entire fiasco, I figured out how to play this. I had to tell my brain to pick itself up, wipe off its face, put on a little mascara, and say the goal out loud.
Why was this so stinkin’ hard?
Because we’re taught to conform to certain “standards”. Especially as women, we are taught to be “lady-like” (I think I missed that day in school!) and focus on what’s on the inside. We’re taught that saying we want to look good in a swimsuit or wear shorts in the summer or look bomb at social events somehow makes us vain or selfish or worse yet, a terrible person. Eek. The horror!
I’m here to put a stop to that right here, right now.
It’s okay to want to look amazing. To fit into that little black dress. To look amazing at your class reunion or your son’s wedding.
IT’S NOT A PROBLEM.
The way I see it, if looking awesome is going to bring you more confidence, more energy, and more kick-assness, then by all means, let’s go!!
What did it take to finally get over the brain drama and tell my trainer my real goal?
I needed to coach myself into recognizing that by censoring my goal to try to be PC or not sound like a [insert societal stereotype here], I was only hurting myself.
Here’s the thing, my coach doesn’t care. He’s not judging me, no matter how much my brain tells me he is. It’s simply a thought error on my part. I’m sure he’s heard a lot worse than anything that could come out of my mouth. And I guarantee he didn’t think twice about that person being too [insert that BS stereotype again].
The thing is, as a coach, I want you to be as honest as you can be about your goals because it helps me coach you better.
If your goal is to lose 20 lbs so you can fit into a dress you wore in high school, tell me that.
If you want to look hot in your swimsuit this summer to show your ex what he’s missing, tell me that.
If you want to feel comfortable wearing shorts to your kiddo’s baseball game instead of sweating to death in jeans, tell me that.
If you want to care for your rescue farm animals while looking hot in your Carharts, tell me that. (Although, if that’s your goal, that would be a VERY strange coincidence and I may laugh a little bit at the irony….🤣)
My point is, no matter how ridiculous you may think your goal is, I don’t. In fact, the more out there and honest, the better!
My coach said the same thing. He said that it’s so much easier to coach people who come out swinging because they know exactly what they are shooting for.
I love that!
So whatever your goal is, please be honest with me, but more importantly, be honest with yourself. It doesn’t do anyone any good to censor your feelings around your goal. When I know what you are trying to accomplish, I can be a better coach. That means you get better and faster results.
I would coach you differently for these two goals, even though they are essentially the same thing:
“I want to feel better about myself before my son’s wedding.”
“I want to lose 25 pounds so I can be the hot mom at my son’s wedding and make my ex-husband wonder if he made a mistake.”
Both goals have weight loss at their core, but the second one goes deep. We have some emotional goals there we can work through. And we have some clear mindset work to do on both. But the second goal is much easier to coach.
The bonus? The second goal has a better chance of being successful because it's specific. Build up confidence, eliminate self-doubt, and work through strategies that might come up as the day gets closer.
Does goal number 2 make that person a “bad” mom? Probably not. My guess is that as you read that statement, you could easily imagine that situation and what that scenario would look like at the wedding. Now, just imagine if that was the same for you and your goal!
Visualization is a powerful tool.
How different would you feel if you could say what you really wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to admit out of fear of being judged?
How much more pumped would you be to work on that goal?
There are no ridiculous goals. There are no stupid goals. And there definitely are no selfish goals. At least not in my coaching program. The rest of the world might see things differently, but hey, one of my goals is to help people look and feel their best.
So if you’re going to be judged for that, I’ll happily be standing right there with you. It’s not a problem!
Are you ready to take your goals to the next level? I’m hosting a live, virtual workshop on setting impossible goals on Thursday, April 13, 2023, and I would love to see you there!
I’ll be talking all about setting goals and walking you through one of the processes I use with my coaching clients in my 6-month coaching program. This is a completely free workshop! It’s for you if you want to finally reach your goals or if you are curious about what health coaching looks like.
I’m an open book and I love teaching live!
Let’s ditch the judgment and start crushing our goals! Why “impossible goals”? Because your brain will never let you achieve anything more than what you allow yourself to dream.
What’s with the knife reference in the subject? Find out at the workshop! It’s going to blow your mind, especially if you’re a high-achiever like me. We high-achievers are built differently and we need a different approach to be successful. So get out your high-achieving badge and wear it with pride to this workshop.
Click the button below to sign up. It would mean the world to me if you could share this with your friends and family, or anyone who could benefit from it!
Hope to see you there!