Ready….Set….Change!!

Change is hard.

As humans, we are creatures of habit. Look at your own life. You probably have the same morning and evening routines, or slight variations of them. You may eat the same meals and snacks each week, drive the same routes to work or the store, and watch the same movies or tv shows. The clothes you wear, restaurants you eat at, activities you do with friends or family members, they are probably very similar. A lot of who we are comes down to habits that have been developing over time, some since we were kids.

That’s not a bad thing! Finding comfort in the familiar can be a great thing. Sometimes, when the outside world is crazy, comfort and calmness can come from returning to your “normal” routines.

Somethings, though, (you knew I was getting to this part, didn’t you?!) you may want or need to change your habits. Maybe it’s for health reasons or maybe life has changed, and you need to start doing things differently – a new baby, moving to a new home, going back to school, for example. To make things work, some stuff needs to change.

But change is H A R D.

And changing habits is R E A L L Y  H A R D.

There are so many theories and programs out there to help you change your habits. Some may work, many may not. Just Google it and you’ll see what I mean. That’s not what I want to talk to you about today.

I want to talk to you about making the decision to make a change. This is the first step, and, unfortunately, the one that is missed by many people. It’s also the reason many goals are not reached and why New Year’s resolutions are forgotten a few weeks into the year.

Deciding to change is no small move.

Let me be clear. You can “make a decision” to make a change without deciding to change. Wait, WHAT????

Let me explain…

This is often the first thing I address with many of my wellness coaching clients. We talk about things they want to change in their lives, how they think life would be better once those changes are made, and who would be affected by changing one aspect or another of themselves. But then I ask the million-dollar question…..

“How ready, on a scale of 1 to 5, are you to make this change?”

Often, the response is an immediate, “Five! Definitely a five!” Then there’s a pause. Then some more silence. Then, oftentimes, the real answer comes out.

The client may want to change because so and so wants them to change. Or the client believes he or she should change because of x, y, and z. But when we get real and think about what that change actually looks like in real life, sometimes we’re just not ready to tackle it right now.

And you know what? THAT’S OK!

This is why, in my practice, I work with clients on setting both long- and short-term goals. “Long” and “short” are really not good terms for these goals when I think about it. Maybe, “immediate” and “someday” goals are more accurate.

Let me give you an example.

Nancy comes to me wanting to lose weight for her daughter’s wedding in five months. Great! “Let’s lose some weight!” is exactly what I don’t say. Instead, I ask Nancy the obvious questions including why she wants to lose weight, how much weight she wants to lose, and how she will feel after she loses that weight. Then, I ask her the tough question, “Are you ready to make the changes necessary to lose weight?”

Maybe Nancy is super ready. She may have been planning this for a while and is ready to change her diet, increase physical activity, improve her sleep, manage her stress, and everything else that goes into losing weight. She did the prep work, now she’s ready for the tough part! Losing weight is not just about losing weight. You don’t just decide to weigh less going forward. You have to work for it. Unless you are one of the lucky few people out there that can make one small change and the excess weight drops off, you are going to need to a lot more than just a switch to “lite” sour cream or “fat-free” cookies.

But maybe, Nancy is too busy with everything else going on – work, wedding planning, traveling, ect that she knows she doesn’t have time to start exercising regularly or cooking from home. Maybe, Nancy just wants to feel pretty standing next to her beautiful daughter.

There’s nothing wrong with that!

Just because you should lose weight, doesn’t mean you’re ready to start right now. (There are some exceptions to this, of course, such as a serious medical diagnosis in which case changing something right now may truly be necessary.)

If Nancy would start on a restrictive diet and intense exercise regime right now, do you think she would be successful? Nope.

That’s the point. We want others to meet us “where we are”. But what we really need to do is meet ourselves where we are. Unrealistic expectations usually don’t produce good results and can backfire big time.

What would be my advice to Nancy? I would ask Nancy to think about one area of her life to focus on, maybe taking time for self-care or to start cooking from home one day a week, and then build on that. I would develop a plan with Nancy to set small goals for herself each week that builds up to the short-term goal of taking time for self-care or cooking from home. Each success would be celebrated, and each struggle would be broken down into smaller pieces next week, re-designed, or put on the back burner until she’s ready. It all leads to the larger, long-term goal, but is more accessible when broken into smaller, more manageable pieces! Nancy may even end up losing weight in the process because she is not stressing over changing everything in her life.

Part of what we need when changing a habit is to build our confidence. Never underestimate the pull your mind has on your physical body. I don’t know about you, but I can talk myself into or out of just about anything!

Time to wrap this up! This post turned out a lot longer than I had planned. So, if you kept reading to this point, congratulations! You’re my new favorite person! Long blog posts are the worst! And come to think about it, this is actually not at all what I planned to write about! But I think it works, so we’ll stick with it for now! Maybe you’ll get the actual topic next week!!

Have an awesome week! You know where to find me!

Peace, love & kale!
Lindsay